This week I’ve been on vacation up north at our lake time share. There have been hours of time that Fly Boy and Cast Iron Chef (to be introduced later, I promise) have taken the minions and mini versions of us and left me time to think. Usually a very dangerous prospect, but this week it was a genius idea. There has been a lot of urging on their part to basically get off my butt and do something that involves what I enjoy and love. Anything that I enjoy and love.
See I’ve spent the better part of several months mentally tapping a pencil on a desk and staring in a disgruntled fashion at several ideas and options. Turning them this way and that. Filtering thoughts and discarding them as quickly as they come. Basically perfecting perfectly wonderful things into almost nothingness because there is no way to make them perfect enough from the get go. I call it ‘Perfecting’. And really that line of thinking isn’t awful I suppose except…
Except that it’s not just my ideas, projects and dreams I’m ‘Perfecting’ out of existence or ‘Perfecting’ myself out of being involved with because I’m afraid of letting anyone down by not being good enough.
Except that while I’m doing that nothing is being accomplished because I’m afraid of accomplishing not much at all.
Except that my blog has gone un-posted, un-photoed, un-designed simply because I’m not sure of its current format and am certain that nobody much at all will be interested in what I have to say and what I see.
But those things are just excuses. The truth is this blog exists because I wanted that outlet and whether anyone sees this, approves of this or not shouldn’t be what matters. If that was the case why would I even bother? And accomplishing not much is still accomplishing something. And if the people that approached me didn’t think I was good enough they wouldn’t have reached out.
So my new goal? The true goal of any life, what you do in it and what you leave behind? It’s to forget being perfect and doing what is expected, and instead do what draws me, attracts my interest and I feel a connection to. It will be a struggle really, it’s not the way my mind works. But it’s a goal worth achieving.
Any goal worth achieving is worth struggling for.