I don’t do confessions well. I hate admitting my failings. It embarrasses me and makes me grumpy. But hubris can be an awful thing, and I’m nothing if not self-deprecating.
In November FlyBoy came to me and suggested that we should change our way of eating to be more paleo. He had read all about it on the internet and thought it sounded like it made sense, and I agreed to take on the challenge. The alterations to my life since making the change is something I plan to talk about in other postings. Let’s just say it’s been a pretty awesome ride and it has caused other rewarding changes in many areas of my day to day life.
But like I said, hubris is an awful thing. My hubris reared its ugly head in May.
I thought I could give up the paleo lifestyle I had been living for months for a week during vacation, and get right back on the wagon I jumped off of no problem.
Wrong. Oh so wrong.
I had put quite a bit of thought into it really. Flyboy, Little Lass and I were going away from home on vacation. We were being joined by members of another family who don’t follow the palo lifestyle, and since the cooking was going to be done by them I thought cheating for a week wouldn’t be too awful. Not that they wouldn’t have done their best to cook in a way that would have worked for us, but I willingly jumped off the ride I was on. I won’t lie. It was glorious. Pasta, biscuits and gravy, fluffy pancakes with chocolate chips in them… carb heaven folks. And I reveled in it. A whole week of indulgences I had decided to give up for the most part.
I came home to a garden that had been over run due to the great amount of rain we had gotten, the mint I had hung up mostly dried, a really bad dog mess in Little Lasses room, and I was fully determined to get back with the program. It took me about two weeks to admit I made a huge mistake. Instead of getting right back into the swing of things, what happened was two months of what was the equivalent of my jogging behind a wagon that has a driver that just absolutely refuses to slow the horses down for the straggler. And the driver has been laughing.
Unhealthy eating, I’ve realized, is an addiction. The sugar, the gluten and the carbohydrates. Once you get them mostly out of your system, letting them back in feels so right and it’s so much easier to just grab the nearest processed anything that it becomes harder to kick the habit than the initial change was. It’s been a humbling lesson and I’m still recovering from it. In two months I gained back some of what I lost in the previous six months. My one cheat day/meal a week is an exercise in guilt. I have to force myself to not reach for the sugar for my coffee, leave the bread off the burger and stop myself before I steal a fry off someones plate. It’s rough, and frustrating.
So let that be a lesson to you all. If you think even for a moment that your huge life changes can be put off to the side rethink it. That wagon driver isn’t going to slow down and he’s kind of a douche about it.